Episode 6: Nothing Was Wasted

Welcome back to the Wholehearted Woman Podcast. I'm Chris Ray, and this is your heartbreak. A place where your story is safe, your pain is welcome, and you never have to pretend to be okay. If you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you've joined us. And if you've been walking this journey with me from the beginning, thank you. Over the past several weeks, we've traveled the world together. We've talked about the pain, the collapse, the searching, the wells, the encounter with Jesus, and the beautiful healing that began when I finally said yes to him. Today, I want to talk about something that changed the way I see my entire life. Because there was a question that followed me for years. Maybe you've asked it too. What was the point of all of that? Why did I go through that? Why did God allow that? Why did I spend so many years wondering when I was searching for Him? Why did I spend so many years searching? Why did I have to walk through so much pain? And for a long time I didn't get an answer. But today I do. And the answer is this: nothing is wasted. For years I thought my story was about searching. Then I thought my story was about finding Jesus. Then I thought my story was about healing. But looking back on that now, I realized my story was always about a God who was pursuing me long before I knew his name. The hospital wasn't wasted. The searching wasn't wasted. The tears weren't wasted. The grief wasn't wasted. The questions weren't wasted. The wrong turns weren't wasted. The years I spent searching weren't wasted. Because God was writing a story I could not see while I was living it. And one day, as I read the writings of Paul, something clicked in my mind. Not because my story was identical to his, it certainly wasn't. Paul persecuted Christians. I was searching for God. Our roads looked very different, but I recognized something in him. I recognized his passion, his zeal. A wholehearted pursuit of what he believed was true. Whether it was right or wrong, Paul was all in, and so was I. He wasn't casually wrong, he was passionately wrong. For twenty years I pursued healing, truth, meaning, answers, spirituality, understanding, and ultimately God with everything I had. I wasn't running from him, I was looking for him. I just didn't know where to find him. Then Paul met Jesus on a road called Damascus, and everything changed. I met Jesus on an ordinary walk with a woman who would be my pastor, and everything changed. But here's what strikes me most about Paul's story: God didn't erase his past, he redeemed it. He redeemed his education, his training, his understanding of culture, his understanding of people, his experiences, his personality, and his passion. Everything Paul thought was useless suddenly became useful in the hands of God. And one day I realized God had done the same thing with me. My searching gave me compassion for seekers, my questions gave me understanding, my pain gave me empathy, my wounds gave me insight. My years of wandering taught me how to recognize women who are still wandering. The years I once wanted to hide became the very years God now uses to help other women find hope. Nothing was wasted. Not because every decision was right, certainly wasn't. Not because every path was wise, they certainly weren't. Not because every choice was God's best. But because God is able to redeem what he does not erase. And that's totally different. Redemption isn't pretending something never happened. Redemption is God taking what happened and giving it new meaning. I think that's why I love Paul so much, not simply because of his theology, though that's incredible, not because of his wisdom, though it's amazing, not simply because of his faith, which is miraculous. I love his passion. Before Jesus, after Jesus, the man was all in. I understand that. Because once I found Jesus, I was all in too. I devoured Scripture, I journaled, listened, learned, cried, grew, healed. I encountered his love. And slowly God began showing me something bigger than my own healing. Then came what I describe in my book as the Macedonian call. For a long time I believed God was simply healing me, and he was, but healing wasn't the destination. Healing was preparation. The story wasn't ending with my healing. The story was becoming someone else's invitation. The comfort I had received was becoming comfort I could give. The healing I had received was becoming healing I could offer. The hope I had received was becoming hope I could share. Suddenly I began realizing something else. The purpose of my story wasn't simply to survive it. The purpose of my story wasn't simply to heal from it. The purpose of my story was to help someone else find their way home. And that's when I began to understand something Paul wrote. I press on to take hold that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. That verse stopped me. Because for years I thought I was taking hold of God. Then I realized something astonishing. He had taken hold of me first. Long before my pastor, long before the walk, long before the blue blazer, long before that conference, long before the healing, long before I knew his name, he had already taken hold of me, and that realization changed everything because it caused me to look back over my life so differently. For years I thought God arrived in my story the day I met Jesus, but looking back now, I don't believe that anymore. I think he was there when I was listening for footsteps. I think he was there when the floor gave way. I think he was there in the questions, the searching, the tears, in the hospital room. I think he was there when I even couldn't see him. I just didn't know his name yet. And maybe that's what redemption really is. Not God stepping into a story, but God showing us he was there all along. Maybe that's what he did for Joseph, for David, for Paul, and maybe that's what he's doing for you. Because I don't know your story, but I know this. Every woman listening has a chapter she'd rather tear out, a chapter she wishes never happened, a chapter she hopes nobody asks about, a chapter she has labeled wasted. Maybe it's a divorce, maybe it's grief, maybe it's betrayal, maybe it's addiction, maybe it's shame, maybe it's wandering and waiting, maybe it's years that felt lost, maybe it's questions that still don't have answers. But what if God sees that chapter differently than you do? What if the chapter you want to erase becomes the very chapter he uses to bring healing to someone else? What if the chapter that embarrasses you is the chapter that reveals his grace? What if the chapter that broke you becomes the chapter through which he restores others? What if nothing was wasted in your life? What if he really is that good? What if redemption is bigger than you ever thought? I believe this because I've lived it. And if he can do it for me, he can do it for you too. So before we go today, I'd love to pray for you. Father, thank you for being the God who wastes nothing. Thank you for the chapters we understand and the chapters we don't. Thank you for the victories and the valleys. Thank you for the moment when we could clearly see your hand and the moments when we wondered where you were. Lord, some of us have chapters in our lives that we have labeled bad and wasted, years we wish we could get back, decisions we wish we could undo, losses we wish had never happened, questions that still remain unanswered, and today we bring those chapters and everything to you. Would you help us see our stories through your eyes? Would you show us where your fingerprints have been all along? Would you remind us that redemption is not just what you do after the pain, but what you have been doing in the middle of it? Lord, thank you that you are able to redeem what you do not erase. Thank you that nothing surrendered to you is ever wasted. Thank you that the searching isn't wasted, the tears, the grief, the waiting, the questions are not wasted. And Lord, for the woman listening today who feels like she has wandered too far from you, waited too long, or made too many mistakes, would you whisper to her heart like you did mine what you have whispered to me? I have not left you. Help her see that you have been pursuing her even when she could not see you. Help her to trust that you are still writing her story. And help her believe that the chapter she wants to tear out may become the very chapter you use to bring life, healing, hope, and freedom to someone else. As Paul wrote, help us press on to take hold that for which Christ Jesus took hold of us. Thank you for taking hold of us first. We love you. In Jesus' name, amen. Friend, if today's episode stirs something in your heart, spend some time with the Lord this week and ask him this simple question: What part of my story have I called wasted that you are calling redeemed? You might be surprised by the answer. So until next time, remember this you are seen, you are loved, and the God who is present in my story is present in yours too. Guaranteed. Take that to the bank. I love you. I'll see you next week.